Funny how things go. I just found myself angry at someone for really offending me. Yes, I think I had every right to be disgusted by what this stranger said to me. And then it got worse. He said that we talked on the phone. He even showed me proof of an outgoing call from me to him that lasted about 18 minutes. I know for a fact I never spoke to anyone on the phone today. Further, he knew things that had happened to me today that would be impossible to know. For example, he knew that I had a migraine yesterday and he knew that I found something I was selling on Mercari posted on a couple websites. I was proud of that and grateful to whomever was responsible for such a kind act. How he knew this I do not know. It is scary that he tried to convince me we spoke. He called me and I answered. I had never heard his voice in my life.
Is anyone with me on this? I am totally just paranoid about this. He called me a psycho. Well I blocked him. I don’t like to be angry and I certainly don’t like to be scared like this. But ya know putting yourself out there can be risky. I never knew it would reach this level of insanity tho. Funny how things go. I’m awake still because I am dealing with this. And I didn’t need this at all.
I also speaking with a man who is married. He is so intelligent. I don’t know what he looks like, but I am drawn to him. I never in my life would think about talking to a married man. He says he is rather lonely. And I really am unsure about the whole marriage thing myself. Perhaps that’s why I write to him still. I don’t think I will ever go further with him. I couldn’t do that. So why do I continue to write him and send him pictures?
I’m not perfect but I’ve got to realize that I would be so ashamed to infringe on a marriage even if he is as miserable as he says. I’m ashamed at even sharing this, but you hopefully can understand my predicament. But that’s it. No more entertaining this guy. And really it’s not doing me any good to be on this dating thing. It never has been worth anything in the past. And it hurts when you don’t hear back from someone you sent a sweet message to. You question your appearace. Or at least I do. Damn it for trying. I guess in not made for this sort of thing. I’m certain that I’m going to end up being single forever. But I’m okay with that. I’ve long gotten past the notion that I must have a man. My mother drummed it in my head that a man cannot save you. And finally, I agreed. Like I said I’m not sure about marriage or even having children. Such a drastic difference from what I thought of when I was just a kid. I imagined marrying early and having six kids running around. But that never happened.
Funny how things go. I know one thing for sure. I must have a reason for being here. I’ve escaped death too many times to count. This bitch won’t die! It’s just the truth. I like to believe I speak only the truth and when the truth is not “good” I keep my mouth shut. Unless you antagonize me ruthlessly like “Eric” from Tinder did. Cum on my face was his idea of fun. Get real son. I told him exactly what I thought about him. And truthfully I hate confrontation, but I did it anyway. I’m sure he’s fine.
Well I hope I get some much needed rest. I’m not going to overthink the crazy so called phone call that never happened. And I’m certainly not going to feel that I could be wrong. Dammit I’m not wrong this guy is creeping me out for some reason. I landed upon a sketchy person and truthfully it’s got me pretty scared. There’s not much I can do except not overthink things and not get paranoid. I wondering if anyone reads this stuff I write. No one ever comments. It makes me wonder if I’m off-putting. I think too much. Personally I really don’t care that much anymore. I write when I need to. I write because I love writing. I love talking. I’ve got no one left to talk to so I’m writing. I already wrote the married man. He probably doesn’t even read it. He’s probably sleeping next to his wife.
Funny how things go….
He wanted to see me smiling. I was going to send it. But it’s really not very attractive in my opinion. My lipstick isn’t even properly applied. And I have on no makeup really. I will never be happy with my face it seems. I’m getting the feeling that men aren’t all that crazy about this face either. Obviously my nose is big and I truly hate it. I really have little beauty in my face. I don’t see it anyway. That’s sad. Funny how things go…
I used to be beautiful when I was young. Then I morphed into a rather not so attractive teenager and really never felt beautiful since. I think it’s unfair. Why didn’t I stay the same girl? What happened? I still searching for it. Perhaps before it’s too late, I will believe in my unique beauty. I hope it comes from me. God do I wish I knew I was beautiful. I’m too scared to even think that I am beautiful and join another dating site. But I did. And unfortunately it has proven me right. I’m just not what men want. I’m not blessed with anything really when it comes to looks. I find it hard to see beauty in anything about me. And it makes me desperately wanting affirmation that I am. But I don’t believe it anyway. Damn the bad luck! Damn my genes. Damn the fact that I didn’t choose this face. And sorry to you who see it and want to cum on it. How do you think that makes me feel? Like shit. I feel like shit. I am probably better off deleting my profile on Tinder. I sheep cannot dwell among wolves. What was I thinking? I don’t have the right stuff. I never became a model because of my damn nose. Tell me it looks fine. Yeah right! It spreads out when I smile. That’s why I don’t. Funny how things go….