I had the privilege to meet Dr. Benage today, a gastroenterologist. I saw him for my abdominal pain. Very courteous man, and his staff was just as nice at Gateway Gastroenterology. But I left depleted. Still no answer to my pain. At the mere mentioning of Chron’s disease, I grew a little frantic. But, Dr. Benage with a wave of his hand, reassured me that we just don’t have a diagnoses yet. Reassured I was not. So I started asking questions, providing more information, surely there was something he could do. Right now.
I mentioned to him psychiatric symptoms. And he paid attention. I told him about recent, very stressful and emotional events that occurred prior to this sudden outburst of abdominal pain. Stressful situations – financial, relationship, job, family – you name it it was brewing inside my head. Maybe my body was responding to this exorbitant stress and anxiety in a way that was what psychologists called somatic.
He told me he has seen thousands of patients like me where there is no “diagnoses.” Pain management, well that was not his forte he let me know. That was for another doctor. So where do all these people go, how do they resolve a serious, intrusive problem with their body?
So I went in nervous, yet hopeful for a clue, hell a supplement or slew of supplements or a change in diet suggestion, but none was given. Just another test tomorrow. An X-ray of my abdomen. I even brought in a supplement list that was glanced at by the nurse practitioner and kindly placed by my things on a chair. Never to be discussed.
So I left depressed. With my paperwork for more testing I was dismayed and disappointed. I told people, like my boss to be, I’d have more info. But maybe I should be thankful that, so far, it’s nothing serious. But still I wanted an answer. I expected an answer. Oh yeah, and the ER hospital never sent my medical records over either to see exactly what tests have already been done. All Dr. Benage had was my voice – directing him to seriously discuss with me the possibility that my body was now telling me I needed a serious change in dealing with stress and anxiety.
Years I’ve spent struggling with anxiety, and due to so much upheaval in my personal life, my tolerance for stress is well, apparently showing itself. I hope I guess. Because that’s all you want is to KNOW. It’s like the question I’m sure you’ve heard at one point in your life, “Would you rather have known love and lost it, or never to have know love at all?” Yes, when it comes to your body not working right, it goes this deep.
I was only 17 and debated my answer for about 15 minutes in my head, but my answer was and is yes, I want to know love with the risk of losing it. And yes, if I may say so the same goes for what is going on with my body and potentially, my mind. I can’t and the doctor can’t do anything until every disease is ruled out – I understand. Hey though, I’m living not knowing, probably till next Wednesday. And even then, whatever it is, it is something so I suppose it’s like a lifelong adherence to a sad existence, in my opinion. Such as the folk who elect never to experience love with all their soul for fear of unrequited, detached love in the end – for their entire lives?? As is typical, I blame myself. Screw the externals. Why did I allow this to happen?
As you would likely imagine, I hope all diseases can be ruled out and that the answer lies in my mental state as of late. I’m going to do what I feel is best for me since I am pointed in no direction at this time. And hell no, I’m not researching various intestinal/stomach diseases! I’m simply not going to eat big, greasy or spicy meals and I’m going to avoid stress-inducing things as much as I can.
It feels good to actually get this out. So here’s to stress relief! For my followers. Thank you for reading. I wanted to let you know. But you know what, I benefited from just writing this. So again, I thank you. With a loving heart, until further notice, this is all the info. I have.
Lots of love (even if it’s not requited)